im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
