i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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