Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
this hospital has no fireball
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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