yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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