did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
