Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
