my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
