hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize