Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
