Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
