You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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