I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
