Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
