This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
