I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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