Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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