Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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