And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
