they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
