Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize