Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
