did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
