I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
only you would photoshop your dick
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
