sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
