I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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