I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My balls are so social today.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
