we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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