... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
