I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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