She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
