well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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