so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
