ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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