Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
