her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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