I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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