Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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