her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
