Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
