Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
