don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
