You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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