Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
