I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
two words: eviction party
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
