I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
