dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
