You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
