Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
