Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
