There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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