It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
