its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
