Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
