Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
