just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
