I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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