I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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