She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
