what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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